What Remains
by sinemoras09
Summary: Love is an anchor. Archer/Rin. Shirou/Rin. Collection of post-UBW oneshots. COMPLETE.
1. What Remains

_Author's note: collection of oneshots where Rin manages to re-summon Archer. Based on Ufotable's version of F/S:UBW. I have no knowledge of the visual novels, so if something doesn't quite fit, just take it as an AU_.

* * *

.

1.

"I killed fifty men today."

Rin looks up. He's standing in front of an open window, his body a dark silhouette against the moonlight. He looks and sounds like the Archer from her past: white hair and tan skin, but the difference is in his eyes.

"That many, huh?" Rin says, and Shirou's mouth twists. It is the strangest thing, Rin thinks, seeing Shirou's expressions on Archer's face. Even now, years after he's become a guardian, she still isn't used to it.

There is a thing Shirou likes when he is stressed: Rin discovered it when they were still students in London. They were studying for exams and Shirou was hunched over a desk, boring holes into a text book. Absently, Rin let her nails lightly scratch over the skin of his nape, leaning over him and alternating between soft touches of her fingertips and lightly scratching at the pale hairs of his scalp. She really wasn't thinking about anything at the time - just that stupid Shirou's hair was turning white and didn't she tell him not to use his projection magic so much? - and it was only after a few moments of her worrying over his scalp that she noticed Shirou's shoulders had relaxed, and he was closing his eyes.

She touches him that way now, lightly scratching the back of his head, then rubbing the nape of his neck with the pads of her fingers. It works faster than any mage's spell, and she smiles a little as Shirou relaxes against her, leaning against her arm.

But it is only a moment's reprieve: dust swirls around where Shirou is standing, and Rin knows the world is summoning him again. Her grip around him tightens.

And then he vanishes, summoned to help mankind elsewhere. Rin rubs her arms, frowning at the open window.

xXx

.

2.

 _"Nuclear Reactor to Detonate, in T-minus five minutes..._

"Shirou, open the door!" Alarms are blaring and the reactor is about to melt. Rin bangs on the metal door, outside. "Shirou! Do you hear me?"

"It doesn't matter what becomes of me." She can hear Shirou talking to the World, can feel the surge of mana swirling around him. "As long as nobody else will cry..."

"Shirou, stop it!" Rin bangs on the door. "Shirou, _don't-_ "

But it's too late. There's a flash of light and a surge of mana, and everything is suddenly over.

xXx

.

"You idiot!" Rin says, a few hours later. "Don't you realize what you've done?"

They're sitting in the control room, Shirou sitting at the table while Rin paces around the room, agitated.

"Don't you know how it'll be, all alone with just a bunch of swords around you? Don't you know how much you'll suffer?" Tears prick her eyes, which she swipes back, angrily. "You're going to be all alone! Don't you even _care_?"

He stands. Quietly he stands behind Rin and wraps his arms around her waist, pressing his chin into her shoulder.

"Why are you hugging me?" Rin says. She tries to push him away but he just hugs her tighter. "Stupid Shirou! Don't you know I'm mad?"

"You know, you make me really happy," Shirou says.

"What?"

"You care about me," he says. She feels him smiling against her hair. "I think, if I can remember this...I think I'll be okay."

Rin rolls her eyes and huffs at him, angrily.

"You're too stupid to live, Emiya Shirou," Rin tells him, flatly.

"And I'm even stupider to keep following you."

xXx

.

They travel along the ruins of the last war, Rin grunting and hefting a pack of dry rations and water, thinking to herself only an idiot would willingly travel through here. Crumbling fortresses and dusty courtyards, the ruins of ancient cities seem to cave in the middle, unable to support its own weight. Just a few short days ago, armies had come upon the region and laid waste to the shanty towns populating the riverbank. Another city, another conflict. Another reason for stupid Shirou to fight.

"You're too hot," Rin says. They're sleeping under a tent in the middle of a desert, and despite the heat Shirou keeps curling his body around hers. Normally she likes cuddling, but Shirou's skin is sticky and his breath on the back of her neck is irritatingly hot. "Shirou, move over a little. I can't sleep like this."

"Sorry," Shirou says. He scoots a few dutiful inches away from her, only to roll back and drape his arm around her waist.

"Ugh, Shirou-"

"Sorry, it's a habit."

"Just...try not to breathe on my neck, it's really uncomfortable."

His appearance changes. They're small things at first, how his hair slowly turns white and the lean comma of his body seems to lengthen and fill in, until one day he pulls off his shirt and Rin notices for the first time the muscled line of Shirou's shoulders, her magic crest stretching under the taut weight of his bicep.

She sucks on an ice cube, impressed. Shirou glances back at her, puzzled.

"What is it?" Shirou says.

"Nothing," Rin says, and she grins at him. "I was just enjoying the view."

"View?" Shirou says. He glances behind him. "Tohsaka. There's nothing but cockroaches and oil stains, here."

Rin smirks, then slowly sucks on her ice cube. She wraps her lips around it suggestively, grinning and licking the edge.

"Boy, you must really be hot," Shirou says. He moves to sit next to her, toweling off his hair. "You're enjoying that ice cube way too much."

"You really are an idiot, aren't you?" Rin says.

"Huh?"

She turns and lightly cups the cleft of his ass. Shirou jumps up, wide-eyed.

" _Tohsaka_!"

"What?" Rin says. "It's not like we haven't done this before."

xXx

.

The armies move toward the east, and at nighttime a patrol sends out a flare.

It doesn't hit anything. There is a hiss, then an explosion, a shock of white light that sprays upward, dusting the dark silhouette of the city with a silver light. Rin watches as Shirou raises a rifle and holds it out toward a drifting shadow.

It is not the enemy. Rin watches as Shirou lowers his rifle and looks out at the throng of little children clamoring on the riverbank. Shirtless and laughing, they jump into the black waters of the river, heedless of the fighting and the conflict going on around them.

"You were supposed to kill them," the general tells him, and Rin watches as Shirou's hands clench into tight fists. "Why didn't you?"

"They were children," Shirou says.

The general backhands him across the face.

Rin startles. Shirou staggers, reaching an unsteady hand to the cut on his lip.

"We pay you good money, so do your job!" the general says.

That night, he sits crouched by the light of a filthy window. Dirty streaks of moonlight filters through the glass, and Rin sees how the shadows seem to fall over Shirou's eyes. She doesn't say anything, just stands beside him and leans his seated figure against her chest.

"Ne, Tohsaka?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you," Shirou says. His eyes slide upwards, meeting hers.

"It makes things easier, having you here."

xXx

.

In the end, Rin is the only one who doesn't betray him.

"Shirou!"

Gems fly. Explosions of smoke and chaos, people rushing in all directions. Rin explodes past all of them, but it's too late.

His body drops like a sack of concrete. Rin watches, stomach sick and horrified, as his neck snaps with the force of his weight with the drop.

Already, the crowd has scattered, and Rin runs to the gallows and cuts down his body. The noose is tight, and it takes all her effort before she is able to slide two fingers between the noose and his neck. His face is purple and swollen and ligature marks make deep grooves into the skin of his throat.

For all her gems and all her mana, nothing can bring him back. Slowly, she lowers his head back onto her lap, dully stroking the sides of his face, when she sees a small chain dangling from his left pocket; it's her old amulet. Silently Rin slips it into her coat pocket, covering its bright red stone and sparkling chain, before reaching out to cover his hand.

His skin is still warm. It's only then that she starts to cry.

xXx

.

It takes a whole month for the preparations, but Rin knows she is ready. Quietly, she sets the amulet down at the center of the summoning circle, which glows dimly with ambient light. Even now, she can still feel their connection through her magic crest, and even though he exists elsewhere, she knows she can still reach him.

Outside, the mouth of the sky opens in a downpour. Drops of precipitation sizzle through the humid air, and the only light in the room comes from the throbbing street and the city beyond it.

It's raining when Shirou appears in front of her, his body a dark shape against the grayscale of the room. Lightning strikes, and for a flickering moment, the shape of his body is backlit with white light, before everything recedes back into darkness. She takes a breath, then steps forward.

"Welcome back," Rin says.

Shirou smiles.

xXx

.

3.

He appears in front of her at random: always brief, and always after something really terrible has happened. Sometimes he won't say anything, just sits next to her and leans his head against her shoulder. Some nights, he only appears for a few moments before he's summoned again.

It is their new normal. On the one hand, it is as if their relationship hasn't changed - Rin has moved back to London and Shirou ostensibly has moved back with her, although he vanishes for days at a time, only to come back to her room, tired and haggard, collapsing into her bed. She wonders sometimes if this was what Archer had meant when he told her to give him a shoulder to lean on.

"I killed a child today," Shirou says, his way of greeting her in the bedroom. Rin frowns at him a little, then shifts, pulling back the covers and letting him climb into the bed. The bed creaks a little with his weight and she feels him sigh against her neck. He tucks his face into the crook of her shoulder, the line of his body curled against her chest like an arabesque. Quietly Rin runs her fingers through his scalp and rubs soothing circles against the back of his neck, waiting for him to speak. "His mother was sobbing," Shirou says. She feels him hug her tighter. "I had to cull her too."

"Well obviously there was a reason," Rin says. "The world's not gonna make you kill some innocent kid. He was probably going to turn out evil or something. Like a dictator or a murderer or-"

"-or a scientist who discovered something he shouldn't have."

"Or that," Rin says. Shirou sighs, miserably. She frowns at him and pets his hair.

Across the room, the clock ticks. She is half expecting Shirou to vanish again - his comings and goings are without any discernible pattern, the world could summon him at any moment - but tonight there doesn't seem to be any other dangers to be averted. The clock ticks and she can feel Shirou relaxing against her, his breathing growing slow and deep. She feels him about to drift off to sleep when she nudges him, gently.

"Ne, Shirou?"

"Hm?"

"Can guardians have sex?"

Rin watches with smug satisfaction as all the blood rushes up to Shirou's face and then somewhere decidedly more south, and Rin decides that yes, Shirou has _definitely_ hottied up and it's practically a crime that she shouldn't get to tap that, especially since she's been playing Mother Theresa to his nightly angst for nearly a month. (She told herself it was out of respect for him - Shirou was obviously still adjusting to his role as a guardian, he had been hung by the neck and killed - he needed time to recuperate, Rin thought. He was lucky she didn't try to jump him that first night.)

"Are you sure?" Shirou says. His voice is low. "Rin?"

The way he says her name reminds her of Archer, but Rin pushes it out of her mind.

"If I'm going to listen to you complain every night, I might as well get something out of it too."

xXx

.

The first time they had sex, Shirou was still human.

"Ow, ow, ow, OW!" Rin smacked Shirou on the chest and Shirou fumbled with his penis, pathetically. "Stupid Shirou! Why can't you get it in?"

"I don't want to hurt you," Shirou said. "And your mana keeps flaring and it's making me nervous!"

"It shouldn't be this hard!" Rin wailed, and Shirou's erection wilted pathetically. "Shirou!"

Now, years after the fact, Shirou slides up inside her with one smooth stroke, and Rin grins a little at the feel of him. She's missed this. And evidently Shirou has missed this too, because as soon as he's inside, he starts thrusting into her with a punishing rhythm, driving into her hard enough to rock the whole bed.

"Shirou?" Rin laughs at him, gasping. " _Unh_. Geez! It hasn't been that long!"

"Too long," he says. He wraps his arms around her. "A millenia."

"Wait-what?" Rin cranes her neck to look up at him. "Shirou, it's only been a month."

And Shirou looks at her. And for a moment it's like she's looking at Archer, and Rin freezes underneath him.

"You...you are Shirou, right?" Rin says.

"Of course I am," Archer says. Rin blinks.

"Because you sound a lot like Archer!"

The man inside of her looks confused.

"I'm not sleeping with Archer, right?" Rin says. " _Right_?"

Her legs are still hooked around his shoulders. He's still hard inside of her.

"I..." He hesitates. "I'm not sure who I am," he says.

" _Huh?_ "

"I know I am Emiya Shirou," Shirou-Archer says, and Rin frowns at him, even as she rocks her pelvis a little where they're joined. "My memories are a little jumbled. But it has been a long time."

"You just died a month ago," Rin says, and he starts to roll off of her, much to Rin's annoyance. "Wait a second! No one said you had to stop!"

His eyes widen a moment before a huge blush cracks across his face. The confusion is definitely vintage Shirou, which pleases her. Rin gives him a smug look and wraps her legs around his waist, pointedly.

"Just do that thing you were doing before. And don't say anything, it's distracting."

"...Okay."

 _He's definitely Shirou_ , Rin thinks, and she sighs a little as he slides back inside her.

xXx

.

The World is merciful, and somehow Shirou keeps from vanishing for an entire night.

He's asleep with his face tucked against her shoulderblades, spooning her the way he always did. It feels nice. Idly she marvels a little at how her sweet Shirou is actually the same twisted jerk as Archer, and she smiles a little, happy in the knowledge that she is a sort of touchstone for him. _All he needed was someone to lean on_ , she thinks, before mentally kicking herself for thinking something so incredibly sappy.

Rin looks out across the bedroom. Silently she wonders what it must be like for him, alone in the void at the end of the world, with nothing but that tortured mental landscape around him.

As if he could hear her thoughts, Shirou sighs and shifts in his sleep. He feels warm and good and Rin sinks back into him, pressing close and closing her eyes.

xXx

.

The next night he comes to her, he has sex with her four times.

"Are you okay?" His voice is low and breathless. He's already pushed up into her without any resistance, slick as she was from their previous activities. Rin bites her lip to keep from laughing at him, but he mistakes the look for one of discomfort. He pushes up on his forearms, searching her face. "Rin?"

Rin giggles. "I just-" and she rocks her hips upward. "Shirou, we never did it this much when-"

 _When you were alive_ , she almost says, but she stops herself, Shirou's watching her with a concerned expression on his face and Rin doesn't want to remind him.

"We never did it this much before."

He frames her face with his hands, stroking her cheek with the pad of his thumb. "Is it too much?" he asks. Rin smirks at him.

"I'm fine," Rin says.

"I'd be happy just to hold you," Shirou tells her, and he has such a serious look that Rin can't help but laugh. "Why are you laughing?" he asks, and she can tell she's hurt his feelings. She reaches a hand upward to lightly stroke his face.

"You're really cute, Emiya Shirou," Rin says. "Has anybody ever told you that?"

"You have," Shirou tells her. "Lots of times, actually."

"Really?" Rin's grin falters a little as she feels him gently begin to move. "I thought I just called you an idiot most of the time."

"That too," Shirou says, and he drops a soft kiss on her lips, before kissing her neck. He's got a rhythm going now, one that's hitting Rin at just the right spot, making her quiver and strain her pelvis up toward his.

"It's just funny, because you never had that much of a libido," Rin says. He hits the right spot and Rin's mouth pops open. " _Oh._ "

"I just missed you," Shirou tells her, and it's that naked honesty that hits her. She thinks of the loneliness of that landscape, and she wraps her arms around his back, holding him tighter.

xXx

.

"Rin?"

"Hmm?"

She's basking in the afterglow, breathless and boneless beside him. She turns to look at him, but he looks suddenly shy.

"Will you say my name again?" he asks.

"You mean, 'Emiya Shirou'?"

"Yes."

"Okay," Rin says. She traces a line down the side of his face. "Emiya Shirou."

He sighs and closes his eyes, as if she had spoken magic words or wove a magic talisman.

"No one has called me that in a very long time."

There is a wistfulness in his voice that makes her heart ache. Tears prick her eyes, and she hugs him tighter.

"I could call you 'moron' or 'stupid' too, you know," Rin tells him. He smiles.

She settles back against him, nestling into a comfortable spot between his chin and chest, and idly she lets her fingers trace lazy circles on his skin.

"Time flows differently for you, doesn't it?" Rin says. "To me, you just died a month ago. But how long has it been for you?"

"I don't think I could tell you," Shirou says. "Days or years, everything has lost all meaning to me.

I've seen countless universes," Shirou says. "I've killed the same men multiple times. The future and past might as well be the same," Shirou says.

Her magic crest is still in his bicep. It pulses with a soft blue light, her mana giving him shape and form, much like it did with Archer during the Holy Grail War.

"Do you remember me implanting this?" Rin says. Shirou nods. "What else do you remember?"

"I remember you summoning me and being very offended I was not Saber."

"Saber?" Rin stares at him. Archer nods, remembering.

"Yes, I remember that quite clearly," Archer says, and Rin feels herself growing more and more red. "You botched the summoning and you made me clean up your living room.

Why are you hiding?" Archer says, because now Rin has covered her face in her hands and pulled the sheet around her breasts. "You can't tell me you're embarrassed after everything we just did?"

"I didn't think I was sleeping with Archer!" Rin wails, and she smacks him with a pillow. Archer frowns at her.

"You do realize we are the same person, correct?"

"Stupid Shirou!" Rin flops over and pulls the sheet over her head. "Don't look at me! I'm so embarrassed! Stay over there! And _put a shirt on_ , stupid Shirou! Dammit! Dammit!"

He smirks at her and she throws another pillow at his head.

The cognitive dissonance takes a little while to get used to.

xXx

.

4.

She watches him in the shower. His neck is bent as he stands under the hot spray of the shower head, bending his head forward and letting the water run down the muscles of his back. His eyes are closed. Water runs down the length of his body as wet strands of white hair sticks to his skin.

She quickly turns and forces her eyes back at the mirror, concentrating on brushing her teeth and pretending she wasn't staring at him. There's the sound of the faucets turning. The water stops; she hears him step out of the shower.

"Enjoy the view?" Archer says. He wraps a towel around his waist and smirks at her, pointedly.

Rin sputters and chokes on her toothbrush.

xXx

.

It is the strangest thing, Rin thinks. Watching Archer wear Shirou's old clothes.

Strike that. They are _Archer's_ old clothes, by definition, nevermind the fact that Shirou's clothes seem a bit too tight around the arms and shoulders.

"Can you at least comb your hair down?" Rin says. She's feeling peevish, crossing her arms and blushing, brightly.

"Why? I happen to like my hair this way," Archer says.

"You look too much like Archer and it's giving me a panic attack!" Rin says. Archer frowns at her.

"What are you saying? Of course I'm Archer. I can't help that I look this way."

"Ugh," Rin says, and she covers her face in her hands. "I just remember how much older you were than me and it's really really _weird_."

"You are a grown woman," Archer reminds her. "We are the same age."

"You're like, two hundred years-old. And eww, don't tell me you were thinking of me _like that_ back then, because seriously, that's just really gross."

"And if I told you I did?"

Rin's head jerks up. "You didn't."

"Well. I'm not entirely sure if the memory was from my younger self or not," Archer taps the side of his head, for emphasis, before adding, "Although I am fairly certain you found me attractive back then, as well.

Do not deny it," Archer says. "You always did like to dress me up in overcoats and style my hair-"

"Shut up!" Rin says, and she pulls a couch cushion over her head. She's busy burning a hole into the couch to notice him sitting next to her. She feels him tap her gently on the shoulder.

Rin looks up, suspiciously. He smiles at her apologetically, then runs his hand messily through his hair.

"Better?" he says, and he looks more like Shirou again. Rin blushes and doesn't look at him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"You're such a jerk, you know that?" Rin says.

"So I've been told," Archer says. She punches him on the side of his shoulder.

xXx

.

"Ne, Archer?"

"Hmm?"

"Is it alright if I kiss you?"

"You don't have to ask."

"I know, but it feels weird not to."

His lips are soft. She feels her face flushing warmly, because she's kissing Archer and the thought of it makes her giddy. Their bodies touch. She feels him touch her cheek.

"Archer-"

"That's not my name."

"Shirou."

"Yes?"

"...Can I touch you?"

She feels him nod. Hesitantly, she brings her hands up and lays them flat against Archer's chest. She shouldn't feel so embarrassed - he and Shirou were the same person - but even so her cheeks are heated and she can bring herself to look at him.

"Knowing my luck, you'll be summoned soon," Rin says, and she concentrates on the buttons.

She doesn't remember Shirou being as well-muscled. She pulls off the shirt and takes a minute to gawk at Archer's bare chest. His skin is darker than she remembers, and the lines of his chest and abdomen are well-marked. Blushing, she closes her eyes and lightly rubs her mouth over his nipple; he exhales, softly. She feels even more aroused.

She undoes the top button of his pants. She moves deliberately, taking the time to unzip him and run her hand along his hardness. He's so hard the head of his erection is peeking out from his waistband, and Rin blushes, despite herself. It's not as if she hasn't seen this before! Except that it kind of _is_ and even though she's slept with him countless times and actually just slept with him last night, she's never really slept with _Archer_ , and the whole paradox of it starts to make her head spin.

Wow, Rin thinks. Even his penis is thicker than she remembers.

She moves upward to kiss him again. Her fingers dig into the hard muscle of his back as she kisses him open-mouthed, running her tongue along the muscled ridge of his neck and the deep triangle of his collarbone. Her hand slides down the waistband of his pants, the pad of her thumb swirling the tip of his erection. The skin is soft, velvety, almost, and when he groans a little Rin feels herself blushing furiously.

"Ne, Shirou?"

"Hm?"

"Did you know I used to fantasize about this? I mean, being with you the way you are now?"

"You mean as opposed to a snot-nosed brat who didn't know his ass from the back of his head? Yes, I can understand that."

"But you were sweet back then! I mean, in your own way..."

"Hmph. Well the sex is a lot better with me now, isn't it?"

"Shut up!" Rin says, and she hits him again. He grins at her and rolls her on her back, pushing up inside her.

xXx

.

5.

Sometimes, Shirou disappears for weeks at a time.

Every time he comes back, he looks more worn down, more like Archer than the last. Innocents die. Sometimes the things he does are so bad he doesn't say anything, just steps into Rin's room and holds her, tight.

And then a few moments will pass, and the tension in Archer's body dissipates, until the man that is holding her is Shirou again.

The crest on his bicep pulses softly. Rin doesn't say anything, just covers its shape with the palm of her hand.

xXx

.

6.

"Ne, Shirou?"

"Hm?"

Rin shifts, leaning on his chest to look at him. His hair falls in messy white tangles across his forehead, and patches of skin show telltale signs of scars. "What's it like? Being a guardian, I mean. Are you still stuck in that landscape?"

"For the most part," Shirou says. Gently she frames his face in her hands, tracing a line down his cheek, absently. "Now I am lucky enough to have the benefit of your company."

"Are you happy?" Rin asks. Shirou looks up at her, quietly.

"Are you?" Shirou asks. Rin frowns at him.

"Of course I am! What kind of question is that?" Rin says, and Shirou sits up, turning to look at her.

"What I'm doing is selfish," Shirou says. He touches the crest on his bicep, quietly. "Before you could live your life. Find someone else. Have children. A family. But now..."

"Now I get to listen to an idiot whine all day, is that it?" Rin stretches and drapes her body across his. "Stupid Shirou. I'm not doing this because it's the right thing to do, I'm doing this because you make me happy. Not everyone has a stupid martyr complex," Rin says. She softens a little.

"Ne, Shirou? You can still be happy, right?"

She feels him nod and shift her closer, kissing the top of her brow.

She watches him sleep. It's raining outside, and streaks of watery moonlight fall along down the line of his body. She thinks of Caster and Assassin and how that servant's soul was tethered there, and it occurs to her that it's no different for guardians.

Destroy the gate, set free the servant. Rin can't destroy the World, but she can definitely cause fractures in the ley lines keeping him there.

It will be her life's work to set him free. Rin knows this. She can do anything she wants when she puts her mind to it.

She has no doubt that she'll succeed.

.

.

.

* * *

 **A/N: I got a few questions on AO3 asking if past!Shirou and EMIYA/Archer are the same person, and if so, why does EMIYA call Rin "Rin" while past!Shirou calls her Tohsaka? The answer is, yes, they're the same person. After Shirou was executed, he spent a few millenia as a counter guardian, losing most of his memories of his past. He still remembered Rin, but he couldn't remember her name. When Rin summoned him as a Servant, he started calling her "Rin" instead of Tohsaka, because Rin suited her better. This is why he calls her "Rin" when she summons him the third time. At this point that's the name he's used to calling her.**


	2. The Farthest Reaches of Space

_Author's note: remix of the fic "Wasteland," which chronicles Archer's time before and after he became a guardian. I was thinking about how all of that would change with Rin beside him, and this fic came from that. While this is published separately on AO3, I decided to include this in this collection here, for completeness' sake._

* * *

.

1.

The men they're traveling with sit down and make camp, tossing back shots and trading war stories with each other, voices growing louder and more insistent as they brag across the campfire.

Shirou doesn't sit with the others. While the others carouse and laugh and pull grinning ladies onto their lap, Shirou sits and holds the chain of his pendant like a rosary, running his thumb along the smooth edge of red stone and the tiny metal clasp connecting it. From the corner of his eye, he sees one of the women leaning suggestively against one of the men. She bends over to whisper in the man's ear, and Shirou notices just how close her lips are from touching him. Her hand stays lightly on the man's chest. The man smirks, knowingly. They go into a tent, holding hands.

It's the sort of scene that would make Shirou feel lonely if not for Tohsaka, and quietly he searches her out in the darkness, watching as she walks toward him, holding out two paper plates and a canteen of water.

"Someone needs to tell that girl he'll give her gonorrhea," Rin says, and she sits down next to him. She offers him a plate, which Shirou takes, gratefully.

"What's this?" Shirou says. Rin shrugs.

"Some sort of dead animal. I think Boris shot it with a rifle or something."

"Huh," Shirou says, and Rin stretches beside him.

It's funny: Rin gets along with these men better than Shirou does. He watches from a distance as Rin loudly laughs and goads and out-matches these men, using her magic to beat them in sparring sessions and hand-to-hand combat. "I heard you beat these pussies arm-wrestling," one of the men says, bluntly. He holds out an arm. "I'm not gonna get beat by some puny little girl."

Rin wins easily, slamming the guy's arm against the table.

"Who's next?" Rin says, and Shirou just smiles to himself and shakes his head, Rin grinning victoriously and waiting at the table.

xXx

.

The room they're staying in has a small bathroom and running water, and Rin runs around the place, clapping her hands and squealing. "Hey Shirou!" Rin says, and her head pops out of the bathroom. "They have a toilet and it _flushes_. I don't have to squat over a hole anymore!"

"It still looks pretty disgusting," Shirou says. Rin grins, giddy as a kid. Up until now, they'd been sleeping outside, pitching tents and roaming across the desert. But their base of operations shifts and Shirou somehow finds a place in the middle of an overcrowded slum. The apartment is small and cramped and the floor is streaked with dirt and grease stains, but Rin runs around the place like it's a palace.

"You know how hard it is, Shirou, having to pee outside? You're a guy, you don't think about things like this." Rin grins at the grimy showerhead and the dirt-smudged tile. "I can't wait to take a real shower!"

Shirou steps in the bathroom, and catches his reflection in the mirror.

It's been awhile since Shirou's looked into a proper mirror - a few months, at the very least. He would shave hunched over a broken piece of glass, using his hands to feel around his chin and asking Rin to take a look for him. "Did I miss a spot?" he'd ask, and Rin would sigh and shake her head. He barely grew a beard anyway, so at most he'd shave maybe once or twice a week.

The reflection, though, startles him.

"What's wrong?" Rin says, and Shirou looks back into the mirror. Dark skin and white hair, his shirt stretched tight over broad shoulders and muscled arms. He runs his hands through his hair, combing it upwards.

"Shirou?"

"When did I start looking like Archer?" Shirou says.

"Archer?" Rin frowns. "You don't look anything like Archer."

"Are you sure?" Shirou frowns again and in the mirror Archer frowns back at him.

"Uh..." Rin squints, deciding. "Say my name," Rin says.

"Huh?"

"Say 'Rin,'" Rin says.

"Rin," Shirou says. Rin's hand flies to her mouth.

"Oh my god," Rin says. "You sound just like him."

"I do?"

"Say it again. Oh! And say something sarcastic this time, that way I can really tell."

"You're making fun of me, aren't you?" Shirou says. Rin wraps her arms around his waist, pressing herself against his back.

"Maybe just a little," Rin says. Shirou frowns and she kisses him sweetly on the cheek. "You still look like the same stupid Shirou to me."

"Maybe you've just been around me so much, you haven't noticed the change?"

"Archer didn't have a neck," Rin says.

"Uh-"

"And he was really old," Rin adds.

Shirou sighs. "I'm not sure if I should feel reassured or offended," Shirou says.

"...Are you purposefully imitating him right now, or are you just talking? Because you sound like him and it's really kinda freaky."

Shirou rolls his eyes.

He does pull-ups on a makeshift bar across the doorway. The room is hot and humid as he works; he breathes. His skin is damp and pieces of hair stick to the sweat of his forehead.

He does one hundred push-ups; sit-ups; pull-ups. His breath comes out in tight spurts, the hard muscles of his back and arms tightening with each movement. His hands are rough and calloused as he grips the bar.

"You should come to bed," Rin says. She stretches out on the cot against the wall. "Although, I'm not sure it'll fit the both of us. We might have to sleep on the floor."

"You can take the bed." Shirou's voice is tight with effort as he does push-ups with one hand, balancing himself on his toes and pushing himself upright. "I'm still working, anyway."

"You don't want to christen the cot?"

"Huh?" Shirou pushes up on his arm, glancing back at her. Rin grins at him.

"Come here," Rin says, and she pats the mattress, invitingly. "I want to celebrate actually sleeping indoors."

"A tent is kind of indoors," Shirou says, and he sits next to her.

As it turns out, making love on a bed meant for one person isn't very easy, and it's only after a few disastrous attempts that a pissed off Rin pushes him off and yanks a blanket onto the floor. "There!" Rin says. "Now neither of us are going to fall off."

"I thought you wanted to christen the cot?" Shirou says.

"It's christened, get down here," Rin says, and she holds out her arms.

(They're mid-coitus, Shirous' face buried into Tohsaka's shoulder, when a cockroach scuttles across the floor where Rin's head is. "Oh my god, Shirou!" Rin says, and proceeds to kill it with all the magic force she can muster.

"I'm taking the cot," Rin says, and she pushes Shirou back on the floor.)

xXx

.

Tohsaka's reputation grows faster than his.

No one thinks about the quiet one, the man who never says no. No one really understands how someone can willingly give his life for something he has no stake in. But Tohsaka makes it very clear:

"I'm in it to win," she says, and the other mercenaries understand, because they too don't shy away from a good fight. Tohsaka grins and laughs and carouses with them, and Shirou hangs in the background, palming the amulet, quietly.

(He knows that Tohsaka's ability to make friends with these men helps; if not for her, no one would think twice about sticking it to the Sad Boy, but because he's Tohsaka's Guy, they give him a respectful berth. No one would want to cross Tohsaka.)

xXx

.

It must be a sixth sense, but Tohsaka can always tell when he's feeling lonely.

He'll be sitting in a tent, or disassembling a rifle, when Tohsaka will unceremoniously lean against his back and press her cheek against his shoulder. It comforts him, her little errant touches, and he finds himself grateful whenever she impulsively squeezes his fingers or lets one gloved hand loop carelessly around the belt of his pants, because it's hard to hold hands wearing gloves; Tohsaka makes up for it by holding one of the belt loops of his pants, or tugging at his shirt sleeve as she walks next to him: the two of them versus the world.

They go on a mission. Insert themselves into another regional conflict, nearly get killed in the process and almost don't get paid. Rin yells at whatever general is withholding their money and somehow comes out with twice the original amount. ("You didn't threaten them, did you?" Shirou asks. Rin grins and he can see the glow of her reinforcement magic snaking around her arm.)

They lean under a makeshift shanty, shaded by a scrapyard lean-to that is propped against a rockface, and Rin takes a long swig of water before offering it to him, tugging the fabric of her red scarf over her nose and drawing her knees to her chest. She lets herself fall sideways until the weight of her body is resting squarely against him, and Shirou smiles to himself, squinting his eyes at the wind and readjusting his cloak.

xXx

.

2.

As it turns out, their apartment traps heat like an oven; there are times Rin opens the door and finds the apartment is hotter than it is outside.

It's hot and humid tonight, and the windstorm outside makes the night sky look like a burnt orange. There is a little electric fan that blows warm air over the little cot, but it's not enough to keep Rin from feeling sticky and overly warm.

It's hot and sticky and uncomfortable and all she wants to do is sleep, but she feels Shirou shyly kissing her shoulder, before reaching out to stroke her arm; he wants to make love to her, his hardness is poking the back of her thigh. _Oh, fine,_ Rin thinks, because as a general rule, the sex is always good and she likes having sex with him, not to mention he's always so cute and grateful afterwards. Wordlessly, she rolls over onto her back and lets Shirou cover her with his body, pulling off her sticky top and shorts and fumbling to do the same.

The cot isn't big enough for the both of them, so Shirou tugs Rin's body to the edge of the bedframe while he kneels at the edge of the bed. She hooks her legs over his shoulders as he presses his face flush against the sticky skin of her thighs. The night is as thick and dark as a funeral shroud, and everything is quiet except for the hum of the fan, Rin's pleasured, shallow breathing and the slick, wet sounds of Shirou's fingers and tongue.

She's close, but it's hot and humid and the hot air burns her lungs as she breathes, it's distracting her. Twenty minutes in and Shirou is still doggedly laving her, switching from tongue to fingers, grinding the fleshy nub of her clit with the pad of his thumb.

"Shirou, I don't think...I don't think it's going to happen," Rin says, and Shirou looks up with an audible _pop_. "It's too hot. Do you just want to go ahead and finish inside me?"

"But you're close, right?" Shirou's hands are on her knees. "I can keep going."

"How's your jaw?"

"It's fine."

"How's your knees?" Rin says, and Shirou smiles.

"Just let me roll up a towel," Shirou says, and Rin lies back a little while Shirou rolls up the towel and kneels on it, cushioning himself from the floor.

"I can get on all fours," Rin says, but Shirou kisses the side of her hip, smiling against her thigh.

"You said you hate doing that because the cot isn't stable and the floor hurts your knees."

"Well, yeah," Rin says. Shirou gets back into position. "Are you sure?"

"I want to make you feel good." Shirou's mouth closes over her clit again, making her sigh and point her toes and grind against his mouth.

It takes a little over an hour before Rin finally orgasms, a series of sudden harsh contractions that nearly upends their shitty little cot and very nearly topples them both over in the process.

"Oh, _geez_ ," Rin says, and she bucks hard against Shirou's mouth, gasping a little and jerking against him.

It is really fucking hot. Bright beads of sweat roll down Rin's temples and her hair sticks to the side of her face. Shirou moves to enter her and she recoils from him instinctively, his hot skin sticky and gross against hers.

"O-oh. Tohsaka. Are you-?"

"Sorry, Shirou, it's just really hot," Rin says. Shirou frowns.

"Do you want to stop?"

"No, just point the fan over here. It's fine," Rin says, and Shirou sinks against her, gratefully.

His body is hot. That's the only thing Rin can think of. Even when he tries to angle his body away from her, she can still feel how sticky his skin is and how beads of sweat drips along the sides of his flanks and arms.

"Tohsaka?"

"Huh?"

"...am I hurting you?"

"No, of course not."

"We don't have to keep doing this." Shirou thumbs her cheek. "I can tell you're getting dry, anyway."

"You just spent an hour eating me out, I think I can handle a little body heat."

"It isn't a debt," Shirou says.

"Yeah, but I still don't think it's fair you don't get to come."

She rolls him onto his back and leans over his torso, palming his cock in her hand. She's about to dip down to take him into her mouth when Shirou stops her, quietly.

"You're tired," Shirou says. "You don't have to."

"You went down on me for an hour," Rin says. Shirou hugs her and grins into her ear.

"I like going down on you," Shirou says. And then, in his best Archer voice, "It makes me feel sexy."

Rin cracks up. "You're such an idiot!" Rin says. Shirou grins and kisses her, smiling into her hair.

"Go to sleep," Shirou says. "I'll take care of myself."

"Oh, Shirou. That makes me feel like such a jerk."

"Make it up to me tomorrow?"

"Okay." She cuddles sleepily against the pillow.

Maybe it's because of the mission earlier, or maybe because the strain of trying to come for over an hour has taken its toll, but Rin's eyes are heavy, and she feels herself drowsing, sinking into the cot. Dimly she's aware of him kissing the side of her face and pulling a light sheet over her, before lying down beside her on the cot.

She is about to drift off fully when she hears it: the rustling of sheets, quiet, ragged breathing, and the furtive sounds of flesh beating against flesh. His back is toward her, and he's lying at the very edge of the cot.

She rolls over and presses her body against his back, letting her hand trail down to the taut muscles of his stomach. She can feel him straining as he fists himself, and quietly she presses little kisses along the muscle of his back and shoulderblades, caressing his stomach with small little circles and absently tracing the line of his abdomen. He comes, exhaling sharply; she sees the muscles of his arm move as he goes to cover the head of his penis with his hand.

She gives him one last kiss on the shoulder, where her magic crest is, and he grins at her and reaches for a towel, wiping his hand.

(They eventually figure out a work-around; Shirou brings home a large pan and a block of ice, which he sets in front of a fan in a sort of makeshift air conditioner. "I could make a better one if I had a PVC pipe and a cooler," Shirou says, but Rin plops down in front of the fan and doesn't really care.)

xXx

.

Her period is late. Rin isn't too concerned, but when she makes the mistake of eating spoiled meat and spends the night throwing up because of it, Shirou makes his way to one of the street markets and finds a cigarette stand that also sells pregnancy tests.

"Oh, Shirou." Rin sighs while Shirou holds the paper bag to his chest like a lifeline, his eyes wide and hopeful at the same time. "I have an IUD. I wouldn't get your hopes up."

"But there's always a possibility, right?" Shirou clutches the bag protectively. "It wouldn't hurt just to check."

The test, of course, is negative. Shirou looks sad and Rin hugs him, kissing his cheek and fluffing his hair.

"Don't be sad, be happy," Rin says. "I couldn't have a kid in the middle of the desert."

"I know, but..." Shirou sags. "I just thought...I thought it would be nice."

"Shirou."

"Sorry. You're right," Shirou says, and Rin nods, emphatically.

They're lying in the cot tonight. It's hot again, but Rin doesn't have the heart to make Shirou sleep on the floor.

"Ne, Tohsaka?"

"Hm?"

"I was thinking...maybe you could get the IUD taken out."

"Well that'd be pretty stupid," Rin says. "We're in the middle of a war zone."

"Well I was thinking maybe we could go back to London? After this campaign, I mean," Shirou says.

Rin turns. Shirou is watching her quietly.

"Are you serious?" Rin says. Shirou nods. "Shirou?"

"Yeah." Shirou grins. "I'm serious."

"You want me to have your babies?"

He laughs softly against her forehead. "I was thinking of just having the one, first."

"Shirou!"

Rin hugs him. Or rather, tries to hug him, in whatever space that crappy cot can afford them. "Okay," Rin says. She kisses him and smiles. "After this campaign we'll go back to the Clock Tower and I'll get my IUD removed, and then we can have babies."

"Lots of babies," Shirou says. Rin giggles and hugs him, hard.

xXx

.

The night before Shirou is captured, they spend a quiet night in the apartment. Shirou warms up a can of stew and fusses with it over a hotplate while Rin sits in front of their lock box and counts the amount of money they've made that year. "Wow," Rin says. She waves a stack of bills in her hand. "We have enough to last a year, if we're frugal."

"Really?" Shirou gives the stew one last stir before he squats down beside her. Rin leans beside him, thoughtfully.

"I wrote to Luvia - she said she can get us our old apartment," Rin says. "All we need to do is get plane tickets. There's nothing else we have to take care of?" Shirou frowns, stroking his chin.

"The other factions are agitating," Shirou says. "Some of the men say there's a traitor in their ranks. We may have to stay low for a little bit."

"I'm fine with that. Either way we have an escape plan in place." Rin smiles and laces her fingers in his. "You're not disappointed having to leave the desert?"

"There's other ways to help people," Shirou muses. Rin grins.

"I knew it! All you had to do was get this all out of your system," Rin says. "Now you can open up a soup kitchen or something, do something useful for once."

"Soup kitchen?" Shirou says.

"Well you're good at cooking, right?"

"Hm. I suppose it'll have to do until I become a Hero of Justice."

"Ugh, don't remind me. Your stupid guardian pact. I'll have to think of a way to get around that." Rin rests her chin on his shoulder.

"Hey, Tohsaka?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for coming with me."

She squeezes his hand.

"No problem."


	3. By Any Other Name

.

.

.

1.

The summoning doesn't feel the same when the world sends him. There is a sudden blackness, cold and windy, and he has no sense of direction, of which way is up or down or even the position of his body. He materializes and he sees himself standing in a bedroom: there is a summoning circle and a pile of spent jewels, and lying at its center is his old amulet, gleaming in the thin moonlight.

It's only a moment of brief disorientation before EMIYA figures out where he is.

"Welcome back," Rin says, and she smiles at him. Her smile weakens. Her face goes pale.

She passes out and EMIYA lurches forward, catching her before she can hit the floor.

He lifts her and carefully lays her on the bed. Her mana is depleted. Her face is pale and limp strands of black hair stick to her face.

"Rin," EMIYA says. Quietly he lays a hand on her brow, before reverently pulling a blanket up over her shoulders.

He remembers, vaguely, back before he was Archer and even before he became EMIYA, how Rin had sat, night after night, drawing her blood and infusing it into a fist-sized emerald. He remembers waking at 2 a.m. to see her crouched at the foot of the bed, the ambient glow of her mana pulsing in the darkened room.

"What are you doing?" he asked. Rin glanced up.

"Shirou? Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to wake you."

"Is that an emerald?" He moved and squatted next to her, curiously. Tohsaka shook her head.

"I'm storing my mana," Tohsaka said, and she turned back to the emerald, concentrating. "My mana is highest at 2 a.m., so I'm trying to make the most of it."

"You should go to bed," he said. "You have a test tomorrow and you need to get some sleep."

"I have more important things than tests," Tohsaka said. She furrowed her brow, concentrating. "If what Archer said is true, in a few years you're going to be hanged. I'm going to save enough mana to bring you back to life."

"Back to life?" he said. Tohsaka nodded.

"The amulet my father gave me had ten years' worth of mana stored in it," Tohsaka said. "If I can store up enough mana in this jewel, I can save you again, if I need to." He frowned and rubbed his head.

"Tohsaka. No one's getting hanged."

"So are you going to join the Clock Tower, then?"

"No."

"So that's why I'm doing this!" Tohsaka glared. "I'm doing this because you're an idiot, Emiya Shirou. And I'm not going to have my idiot boyfriend die just because he does something stupid."

Neither of them knew that he would die in just a few short years, and that the mana she stored wasn't nearly enough to help him.

He glances at the clock: it's a little after 2 a.m. He frowns and strokes her hair again, before taking off his cloak and draping it on top of her.

It has been a long time since EMIYA has stepped foot into the world. His boots are heavy against the floor as he walks, frowning and surveying his surroundings.

For as long as he'd known her, Tohsaka Rin was immaculate to a fault. Cold, austere, elegant. Nothing was ever out of place. But he walks around her apartment now and sees nothing but garbage: unwashed clothes and empty boxes; a pile of unwashed dishes several weeks old; thick rings of black sludge in the sink and toilet. Garbage bags are piled beside an overflowing trashcan and dead flies litter the countertop.

Quietly, EMIYA looks at the kitchen table and pushes away the piles of wrappers and other detritus to see page after frantic page of magic spells, different configurations of summoning circles she must have tried and failed. His heart is in his throat when he picks up one crumpled page and walks back into the bedroom, where Rin is lying curled up on her side.

He leans over and kisses her brow. Then he rises, looking at the mess of the apartment in front of him.

He starts to get to work.

xXx

.

It's morning, and a thick rectangle of light volleys from the window and into Rin's eyes.

"It's almost noon and you're finally awake." EMIYA steps through the doorway, frowning. "Although I suppose that is to be expected. You drained yourself of mana and nearly killed yourself in the process. You were never much of a morning person, though."

"Shirou," Rin says. Her chest heaves. Her eyes fill with tears.

She lurches out of bed, stumbling toward him and throwing her arms around his waist, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Stupid Shirou!" Rin says. She sobs harder. "Don't you know what I've been going through?"

"I have an idea," EMIYA says, quietly. She clings to his chest as he strokes her hair.

xXx

.

2.

"Archer!"

He's pounding her on the bed, one leg on his shoulder while the other bumps against his ribs. "Oh! Oh! _Archer_!"

"Emiya," EMIYA tells her. He kisses her mouth and her neck, thrusting inside her. "My name is Emiya."

"Stupid Shirou, I know that! Just humor me, okay?"

"Hm."

"Oh!" Rin says, as he hooks an arm around her body and slams into her, hard and fast. "Oh! Archer! _Archer!_ "

"You know, this could really hurt my feelings," EMIYA says. He pushes himself up on his arms for better traction.

"Oh shut up, Archer, you know you don't care."

"True enough," EMIYA says. He grins and kisses her, breathing hard and pressing his cheek against her forehead.

He has heard of other ways to transfer mana. When he was Rin's Servant, the thought never even crossed his mind: she was just a child, then. But now, kissing her and moving inside her, he can feel the surge of her mana flowing between them. Her magic crest is what anchors him here, but what makes his body practically flesh is the sex they've been having. He pumps into her and he feels her straining her neck out toward his chest, one hot cheek pressed against his sternum. Even as a grown woman, she's so much smaller than him, grasping at his shoulders while her thin legs wrap tight around his flanks.

She has a bit of a madonna-whore complex, which amuses him. She prefers Shirou in the kitchen and Archer in the bedroom, so to speak, and EMIYA obliges her, mostly because he can tease her about it later.

"Harder!" Rin says. She's panting into his chest. "Archer, harder!"

"Say my name," EMIYA says.

"Huh?" Rin says. She seemed vaguely irritated that he was speaking to her.

"Say my name," EMIYA says. "Or else all of this can stop."

"What are you talking about?" Rin says, and EMIYA withdraws from her in one smooth stroke, pleased to see her gasp a little at its abruptness. "Shirou, dammit-"

"That's better," he says, and he pushes back into her again. Rin glares at him and rolls him onto his back.

"You must be more out of your mind than usual," Rin says, as she lowers herself on top of him. Her hands push down against his as she straddles him, mouth open and breasts brushing against his chest. She rides him hard with her eyes squeezed shut, the muscles of her thighs clenching tight as she leans forward.

"You know, I was thinking, I really should care about what you call me," EMIYA says, as if Rin's hands weren't on his chest and she wasn't rocking her hips on his lap. "You wouldn't like it if I asked to call you 'Sakura,' now would you?

Or maybe I should call you 'Saber,'" EMIYA says, conversationally. "Yes. I think I like the sound of that. Did you know, Rin, that if I close my eyes, I can just picture Saber bouncing on top of me instead of you? I think that would be very pleasant."

"Saber is a different person," Rin says. She looks really pissed off at him now, but evidently not enough to stop moving on top of him. "Just...uhhn...stop talking for a minute. Because I think I'm about to come."

"I wonder what the Knight of knights looks like when she comes," EMIYA says.

"Dammit, Archer-"

"Rin, do me a favor and put a bag over your head. I can fantasize better when I can't see your face."

"Dammit!" Rin says, and she whacks him on the chest. EMIYA starts laughing. "I thought I told you to stop talking?" Rin says.

"My apologi- _ow!_ " he laughs and winces as she hits him hard against the shoulder.

"You're so annoying!" Rin says, and he smirks and wraps his arms around her, rolling her onto her back. "Listen here, Archer, you should be grateful to me. You should be thanking me, because if not for me, you'd be sitting all alone in that...that _place_ -" and her voice cuts off a little bit as he thrusts. "-and you wouldn't be doing this, Archer, do you hear me?"

EMIYA responds by pinching her nipples and throwing back her words: "Can you not talk for a minute? Because I think I'm about to come."

"Stop making fun of me!" Rin says, and she kicks her heels against his ribs for emphasis. "Dammit, Archer, you talk too much, you know that?" Rin says.

"That's probably because there's usually no one else to talk to," EMIYA says.

He's about to speak again, when he sees the look on Rin's face. EMIYA stops.

"Rin?"

She has a look on her face, as if she's found a dead body or killed her best friend.

"I'm sorry," Rin says. She looks up at him, quietly. "I didn't mean to."

She's thinking about the wasteland again. He brushes his thumb along the side of her face.

"Don't be silly," EMIYA says, and he drops a soft kiss on her lips, moving inside her gently. "I do talk too much."

"Huh. So you admit it."

"It can't be helped, since you're so easy to tease."

"Stupid Shirou," Rin says, and he moves again with deliberate strokes.

"Ne, Shirou?"

"Hm?"

"It doesn't really hurt your feelings, right? When I call you that?"

He lets the pace of his strokes slow a little as he considers. "I suppose it isn't any different than me calling you 'Tohsaka' instead of 'Rin,'" EMIYA says.

"Good," she says.

He thrusts silently into her for a few minutes, keeping in time with the ticking of the clock on the nightstand, when he feels Rin shift beneath him.

"Can you go faster?" Rin says. Her eyes flick upward. EMIYA nods.

"Okay," he says, and he hefts her leg over his shoulder.

xXx

.

3.

 _There is a cold wind that rises out from the barren plains, and Rin stands, hair whipping like banners and rubbing her arms. Around her, there is nothing but craggy rock and streaks of pale sunlight, which drifts through the monolithic black gears turning above her._ _Shirou's hands are clasped around the hilt of a sword._

 _Rin's eyes widen as he plunges the blade deep into his chest, the sudden gush of blood blooming over the frayed fabric of his cloak._

 _"Shirou!" Rin says. She stretches out an arm and runs toward him. "Shirou! Stop!"_

 _He rips the sword out and staggers onto the ground._

xXx

.

Rin wakes. It's nighttime and she's in her bedroom.

Shirou is asleep. His face is tucked between the skin of her back and a pillow, and his arm is draped over her waist. With effort, Rin turns on her side so that she's facing him, resting her head against the warm border of his shoulder.

In sleep, Shirou's face is almost boyish, the harsh furrow of his brow smooth and placid. His breathing is deep and even, and she can feel the rise and fall of his ribcage with each tidal breath. Carefully, she presses a chaste kiss on his forehead before settling in against him, trying to push the dream out of her mind.

 _He tried to kill himself_. The knowledge sinks inside her like a weighted stone. The dreams are not vague, this time: their connection is stronger and the memories come to her with startling clarity.

He was hurting. She sees the men he's killed, his agony, how much he tortured himself over it. Sees how he tried to make it all end.

"Rin?"

Rin blinks. Shirou shifts to look at her.

"Sorry," Rin says. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"You're crying," Shirou says.

"No, I'm not," Rin says, and she wipes her eyes. Shirou wraps his arms around her and pulls her flush against his chest. She shuts her eyes and hugs him, hard.

"What's wrong?" Shirou says. He's speaking into her forehead. Rin shakes her head.

"I had a dream where you tried to kill yourself," Rin says.

"That would be difficult, seeing as I am already dead," Shirou says.

"You were in the wasteland," Rin says. He doesn't say anything at first. She feels him hug her tighter.

"That was a long time ago," Shirou says, quietly. "I barely remember it."

She lies back against him and feels him run his hand soothingly over the nape of her neck. "Ne, Shirou," Rin says, and Archer shifts to look at her. "Did things get better for you? After the war, I mean?"

He studies her face, like he's deciding just how much to tell her. "I tried my best," he says. "And then you summoned me again."

"Oh," Rin says. She's starting to feel sleepy. His body is warm and she's nestled comfortably against him.

xXx

.

4.

He is summoned back the next day. She watches him rise as motes of light curl at his feet.

"Rin," he says, and Rin goes to hug him. "I will see you soon."

"Good luck," Rin says, and he smiles. His body dissipates into the air.


	4. Interlude

.

.

When he was alive, Rin used to tease Shirou that he was the girl in the relationship.

It made sense: he was the one who cooked, who cleaned, who worried about her when she came home too late. Even when he left the clock tower and roamed the desert with the other mercenaries, he still worried over Rin's beddings and was the one who procured their food (it was comical, actually. Seeing Shirou, broad-shouldered and wearing camoflaged fatigues, bending over a little hotplate on the counter and warming up a can of stew, tasting and stirring it as if he had actually made it.)

The other thing was, Shirou was really passive in bed.

Not that he couldn't be passionate - Shirou knew how to work Rin into a frenzy, if Rin asked him to - but she knew what he liked best was slow and gentle, that he liked it when she climbed on top and took him with slow, deliberate strokes. He would close his eyes and lay his head to the side, like a damsel in a romance novel, panting softly with a blush on his cheeks. When he would come, he would reach a mute state of pliable senselessness, eyes closed like half-moons while his mouth would open in a soft, silent 'o.'

Archer doesn't seem to be aware of it, but unless Rin specifically asks, making love to him is exactly like making love to Shirou.

Of course, Rin knows they are the same person. Shirou at his core hasn't changed, even if he's become somewhat hardened by his experience as a guardian, and while Shirou-as-Archer is more sarcastic and more prone to excessive eye-rolling, in bed he craves the same sort of comfort. When he's on top he likes to kiss her slow and deep and rest his face in the crook of her shoulder, and when she climbs up on top of him, his eyes will close into those same two half-moons, his face will crack into a blush, and he will look every bit as helpless to her ministrations as a damsel in a romance novel.

So she calls him "Archer," to goad him. Be more aggressive, throw her on the bed. Rip off her clothes, like she wants him to, and Shirou obliges because he never says no. (Rin would never force him if it made him uncomfortable. And she knows him well enough to tell when she's overstepped her bounds, when he's doing something that makes him uneasy and embarrassed. Any other lover would take advantage, but not Rin. Rin knows how to take care of him.)

Tonight, she can tell that Shirou doesn't want to be aggressive. He appears in front of her, drenched in moonlight, looking weary and fatigued and in desperate need of comfort. So she kisses him gently and pulls him into bed. Makes love to him by climbing on top, touches him and caresses him, watches that blush crack across his face. He is as tender and helpless as a child, it seems, and when he comes, it's with a silent shudder, pulsing inside her with a breathy moan.

She lays on top of him and listens to his heartbeat, dropping soft kisses along the line of his jaw and his collarbone, and waits for one of them to decide when to get up and clean themselves off. She decides he'd better be the one, because he seems comfortable and awfully close to falling asleep, but also because she doesn't want to risk hurting his feelings.

And Shirou does eventually get up, moving out from under her with difficulty and grimacing a little at the large wet spot in the middle of the bed. They shower and dress and she helps him tug off the bedclothes and pull on a fresh sheet over the mattress. Then they sink against each other, Rin cuddling him and kissing him and making him feel safe.

She doesn't mind doing it like this, sometimes. But personally she'd rather just call him "Archer."


	5. Execution

.

.

It was dark in Shirou's jail cell except for the ambient light of the torch in the hallway, and except for the sound of a pipe dripping, everything was quiet. Quietly he shifted, the chains around his wrists and ankles dragging against the floor.

He heard the heavy door open. Shirou lifted his eyes, expecting to see another guard or another soldier coming to torture him. A circle of light bobbed up and down as the sound of footsteps bounded down the corridor.

"Shirou?"

Rin shined her torch into his cell.

"Tohsaka! What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to get you out," Rin said, and she squatted by the iron bars, pulling out a knapsack. "I put the guards to sleep, but I have to hurry. The spell won't last more than a few minutes."

"You shouldn't be here," Shirou said. He gripped the bars, standing over her. "Tohsaka, you could be killed!"

"It won't be long," Rin said, and she pulled out a jewel. "I'll melt these bars down in a jiffy."

Shirou paced. Rin knelt, brow knit in concentration, because the jail was reinforced by ancient magecraft. Only a mage of Caster's caliber could set him free. "Tohsaka, they'll kill you," Shirou said, again. "Even if you do manage to get us out of here, where will we go? We're in the middle of the desert," Shirou said, and he tried to keep his voice from rising.

"I told you coming here was a stupid idea," Rin said. A jewel sparked. Tohsaka scowled. "They're gonna hang you tomorrow, you know that?"

"They're not going to hang me, I'm just going to be on trial."

"And you're going to be found guilty!" Rin said. "Stupid Shirou, just shut up a minute, okay? I'm going to get you out of here."

She worked. Small sparks flew as she concentrated the heat of her mana on the iron bar.

"I don't want to leave," Shirou said. Rin looked up.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Rin said. Shirou shook my head.

"If I leave, they'll find someone else to take my place. And if I let that happen, I couldn't live with myself. I might as well be guilty," Shirou said.

"Huh?!" Rin set down her bag. "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard, Emiya Shirou, and-" she lowered her voice, realizing she was yelling and dropping it down to a whisper, "-and if you don't shut up for a minute and let me work I'm going to get really mad."

"Tohsaka," Shirou said, and he gripped her hand holding the bar. "You should go," Shirou said. "Before anyone finds you." Rin's face was pale.

"I'm not leaving you," Rin said. Shirou shook his head.

"I thought your motto was 'self before others,'" Shirou said. "It's not safe. And if they catch you consorting with me, they'll execute you too."

Rin looked at him a long moment. Her eyes were hard and her mouth was a thin pressed line, and he could tell from the way she was glaring at him that she was trying her hardest not to cry. "You're going to die," she said. A tear rolled down her face. "They're going to kill you and you're going to let them."

"It's okay," Shirou said, and he squeezed her hand over the bar. "I'm going to become a Hero of Justice. I'm not really going to die."

Rin squeezed her eyes shut. More tears fell. "You're so fucking stupid," Rin said. She touched her forehead against the bar, and Shirou touched his forehead against hers. "I thought you didn't like seeing other people cry."

"Tohsaka," Shirou said, helplessly.

"I love you, you idiot," Rin said, and Shirou's eyes filled with tears. She cried openly now, shoulders shaking against the bar. "I don't want you to die. So you're going to fucking _stay there_ and listen to me for once, okay?" and she yanked out another jewel.

Rin worked. She worked even though they both know it was hopeless. It didn't stop Rin from trying.

"Shit," Rin said. Her last jewel winked out, and was spent. "Shit, shit, _shit_."

"Tohsaka," Shirou said, and he looked up to the sound of guards waking, rustling in the corner. "Tohsaka, you need to get out of here."

"I'm going to revive you," Rin said. She gripped his hands, desperately. "I have that emerald, it'll be just like with the amulet, okay? After they hang you I'm going to get your body and...and I'll wake you up. I'll heal you and we can go back to London and you can stop being such a fucking moron-"

"I love you," Shirou said. Rin's face was stricken.

"Stop it," Rin said. "Stop talking like you're going to die!"

"I just wanted you to know that," Shirou said. Rin closed her eyes.

xXx

.

On the day of his execution, Shirou was led through the crowd. The crowd was jeering, shouting obscenities and throwing rocks and garbage at him. One rock slammed against the side of his head and Shirou winced, keeping his eyes forward.

Rin was in the crowd. Her face was stricken. She rushed toward him, pushing through the crowd.

"Look at me," Rin said. "Shirou, I know you're scared, just keep watching me."

The guards shoved him forward.

"Look at me!" Rin said, and he kept his eyes fixed on hers as the crowd jeered at him. "Shirou, please. I love you. Please keep watching!"

He saw her face twist as they pulled the noose tight around his neck, saw her tears slip just as they pulled the hood over his head.

It is the first of many regrets; he hated that he made her cry.


	6. Healing

.

.

It wakes her from sleep: the sound of something heavy clattering against the floor.

"Shirou?" Rin rubs the sleep from her eyes and peers out into the darkness. "Are you back?"

"Rin," Shirou says. Rin's eyes widen.

He is crouching on the floor, two long swords shoved to the hilt through his back. There is a large gash at his side and his arms are covered in small cuts and bruises; the blades stick out of his chest like broken ribs.

"I'm home," Archer says, and he gives her a weak smile before he doubles over.

"Shirou!" Rin says, and she jumps out of bed. Her hands are shaking when she touches the blade.

"What is this? Why were you stabbed? What's going on?"

She's never seen him like this. She wrings her hands, agonized. "Shirou, why are these swords still here? Shouldn't they have disappeared?"

Archer breathes, bracing his ribs with his hand. "I failed," he says.

"Failed? What do you mean you failed?"

"I couldn't kill them," Archer says. He closes his eyes.

"Rin, take me to the bathroom."

"Huh?! The bathroom? Shirou, you need to go to the bathroom?" Rin stares at the two swords sticking out of his chest, incredulously. Archer shakes his head.

"I'm bleeding on your carpet," he says.

"Who cares about the carpet!" Rin says.

"You are not the one who has to clean it up later."

Rin glares and grips one of the handles. "I'm going to pull these out, okay? And then I'll heal you and you'll feel better-"

"Rin, don't. I'll bleed more-"

"Okay, Shirou, I'm going to pull-"

"Don't-" Archer starts, but Rin braces a hand against his shoulder and _heaves_. The sword comes out with a sickening pop, and there's a spray of warm blood leaking all over her hand.

"If I were alive..." and Archer sighs, "...that would have made me bleed to death."

"Sorry," Rin says. She touches the other sword. "What do you want me to do with this one?"

Archer closes his eyes. "Pull it," he says. She grips the hilt and heaves.

She pulls the second blade out with one harsh yank, and Archer pitches forward, just barely catching himself before lowering himself on Rin's lap. The sword clatters on the ground and immediately dissipates, along with the other one lying beside her.

"Forgive me," Archer says. He smiles weakly at her. "This is the first time you've seen me fail, right?" Rin looks at him, horrified. Archer continues. "There are times I am...unable...to stop whatever it is that needs to be stopped. They caught me," Shirou says, and he grimaces. "I was unprepared."

"So what happens now?" Rin says. "Do they send another guardian?"

"They will summon me back there, once I've fully recovered." Archer smiles. "Do not look so shocked. You've seen it in your visions, right? All the times I've been killed...

I will just have to figure out a better way to stop them."

"Shirou," Rin says. He sighs into her lap.

"Just let me rest here a moment," Archer says, and he closes his eyes.

xXx

.

She presses a jewel against his side and concentrates. Feels her mana heating up within her palm.

Nothing. She can already see his body starting to de-materialize.

He normally recovers in the wasteland. Rin understands, even without him explaining it to her, that his mana is not replenishing nearly as quickly as it should be. Hours pass, and she watches him stir in a fitful sleep, taking shallow, labored breaths, a thin film of sweat coating his brow.

"Shirou," Rin says, and she fingers her jewel, nervously.

"I think I need to sleep with you," Rin says. Archer's eyes crack open. She can see blood crusting on the bottom of his lip.

"I am hardly in the mood, Rin," Archer says.

"Yeah, no kidding. It's so I can heal you," Rin says. Archer sighs and opens his eyes.

"Fine," he says, and with difficulty rolls onto his back. Rin sets her jaw and starts fumbling with the clasp on his belt.

Awkward doesn't begin to describe what she's doing; though they've had sex plenty of times before, this is the first time neither of them wants to do it, and she finds herself staring at the wall, blushing furiously as she awkwardly massages his penis in her hand.

"This is such a stupid way to transfer mana," Rin says. She takes him into her mouth, which normally would make him thicken and lengthen, but the sensation now is a little bit like tonguing an earlobe, and she can see Archer manfully staring up at the ceiling. "Ugh! Geez! You're not getting hard!"

"Well what did you expect? I lost a lot of blood."

There is a streak of blood on the ground from where Archer had dragged himself into the bed, and the bedsheets are saturated with blood. Blue mana sloughs off in harsh torrents from his body, and his face is ashen, pale. If she doesn't hurry, Rin realizes, they'll lose their connection and he'll be stuck in the wasteland again. Rin furrows her brow.

"I think," Rin says, and her brow furrows. "I think I need to be the one to penetrate you."

Archer's eyes widen. "You cannot be serious," Archer says.

"I'll use one of my vibrators," Rin says, and she jumps up, running across the bedroom. There is a look of horror on Archer's face as Rin rummages through her dresser.

"Rin," Archer says, and he scoots up against the headboard, pulling up his pants. "You know I love you and I appreciate the sentiment, but if you come anywhere near me with that thing, I will defend myself."

"Don't worry, Shirou, this one's small." She holds up the purple dildo, showing him. "It's barely the width of my fingers, it'll be fine. I'll be gentle. I'll use lube."

"Rin," Archer says, and he stands from the bed, holding up his hands. "This is unnecessary! I am not that injured."

"You're _dying_ ," Rin says, and she starts toward him.

"Do not do this," Archer says, and he grabs a lamp and holds it out toward her.

"Are you really going to hit me with that lamp?" Rin says.

"No, but I can knock that thing out of your hand," Archer says, and he wobbles. Rin stares.

"Look at you! You're going to pass out," Rin says. "Dammit, Shirou, quit being a baby! Lie down!" she says, and she shoves him back against the mattress. "Do you think I want to do this?" Rin says. She holds the vibrator against her chest like a crucifix, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. "I don't want to do this anymore than you do! But if I don't-" and she squeezes her eyes, willing herself not to cry. "If I don't, Shirou...Shirou you'll fade away!"

"Is that what this is about?" Archer says, incredulously. "Rin. Our connection is fine."

"You're sloughing off mana, our connection is fading!"

"I'm not your Servant, Rin," Archer says. "I'm a guardian. This is normal for me."

"But my mana is giving you shape and form-" Rin starts, but Archer shakes his head.

"The world is giving me shape and form. All you've done is tethered me here."

"So you're not going to disappear?"

"No," Archer says. Rin's shoulders shake. Her face crumbles.

"I was so scared!" Rin says, and she starts to sob. Archer hugs her, pulling her on top of him. "I've never seen you so hurt like this! I didn't want to lose you!"

"It's okay, just...put that thing down," Archer says, and they both look at the purple dildo Rin is clutching in her hand.

xXx

.

Somehow, in the midst of all of this, Rin manages to fall asleep.

He's still there when she wakes. It's dark in the early morning, but she can see the mana seeping from his wounds has already closed. The bruises on his skin have started to recede, and pink, translucent scars criss-cross his chest and shoulders. She can feel the hard raised scabs under her thumbs.

"How are you feeling?" Rin asks. Archer smiles.

"Better," he says. "Another day or two and I should be fully healed."

"It's my fault, isn't it?" Rin says. "If you were in the wasteland, you'd heal quicker."

"True," Archer says. "But it's just as well I'm not healing quickly, anyway. As soon as I'm healed, the world will just send me back there again. I'd rather not go there until I formulate a better plan."

"So they'll just keep sending you back?" Rin says. "Over and over again?"

"At least until I am able to kill them."

"That's awful," Rin says. She feels him gently stroking her hair.

"Ne, Shirou," Rin says. "How do you think Masters sleep with Servants, anyway? It doesn't seem to work."

"Under the right circumstances, it should work just fine. Knowing that your Master will heal you, no matter how injured. It is a wonderful motivator," Archer says.

"Really?" Rin pushes herself up on her elbows to look at him. "Would you have slept with me back then? During the war?"

"Do you mean as I am now, or when I was younger?"

"When I summoned you," Rin says. Archer shakes his head.

"No," Archer says. "I wouldn't want to take advantage of you."

"Even if you were dying?"

"Especially if I were dying."

"Huh," Rin says. She furrows her brow.

"What about, if the war was going on now, and I summoned you. And everything is the same except I'm older. Would you sleep with me then?"

"Is my younger self there or no?" Archer says.

"Uh, he's roaming the desert. Like a moron."

Archer frowns. "Truthfully? I'd probably be more focused on erasing myself," Archer says.

"Well, okay! Let's say you weren't suicidal and your younger self decided to be a manager at Starbucks or something, and everything is okay except there's the war. Would you sleep with me then or not?"

"I sleep with you now, I do not understand this line of questioning," Archer says. Rin glares.

"I'm just wondering!" Rin says. Archer sighs.

"I suppose I probably would sleep with you, if my mana were depleted. You are a grown woman. I would not feel as bad using you."

"'Using me?'" Rin says. Archer shrugs.

"It would not be a love-based relationship," Archer says. "Merely a Master replenishing her Servant. And I would caution you not to develop feelings for me, as the duration of the summoning would be inherently limited."

Rin grins at him. She punches him in the arm.

"But you would fall in love with me, right?" Rin says. She kisses his ear. "You'd want to protect me even more."

"I would let you think that, so you'd be more willing to replete my mana."

"You're such a jerk," Rin says, smiling. She settles against his chest, then peers over the bed.

"Damn," she says, and she sees the huge puddles of blood streaking up and down the carpet. "You think that'll disappear when you get summoned?"

Archer sighs, tragically.

"That is why I asked you to take me to the bathroom."


	7. End

_Author's note: end quote is Edna St. Vincent Millay._

* * *

.

1.

Sleep was a welcome respite in the wasteland. After each mission, the world would send him back to that desolate landscape, and EMIYA would stagger toward the nearest patch of empty ground not already covered by one of his many, many weapons. He would pass out into unconsciousness while he recuperates: sometimes he will be lucky and he will appear next to one of the few sparse, dead trees, and he will lean his back against the knotted trunk and close his eyes.

It always takes a moment for EMIYA to get his bearings after he wakes. His mind will sluggishly crawl to consciousness, and he will become dimly aware of the cold air and the hard ground beneath him. Pushing himself upright, he will readjust his cloak and squint his eyes, taking a moment to feel the numbing chill of the cold wind against his tired body. The world will restore him then, and it will be as if he was never covered with dirt and sweat and old, dried blood.

It's different this time when he wakes. There is softness and a feeling of warmth, and it takes a moment for his mind to orient itself. He is not in the wasteland. Rin is curled up against him, and her small body is backlit with yellow sunlight.

There is a lank piece of hair falling over her eyes, and EMIYA quietly reaches over to brush it back, letting his fingers brush lightly against the skin of her temple.

"Shirou I'm sleeping," Rin says, annoyed at him. She bats his hand away and burrows into a pillow.

EMIYA smiles to himself. He has a memory of traveling with her in the desert. He would try to hold her and she would whine that it was too hot, his skin was too sticky, and dammit, Shirou, can't you just not spoon me for once, you're such a freaking girl. Even their last night together, the night before he got captured, Rin was loudly complaining that it was hot and that he slept too close, and that they needed a bigger bed. Neither of them knew he would be captured, that he would be hanged and that Rin would spend the next night sobbing into his pillowcase. It would be one of her biggest regrets, she told him: that she hadn't hugged him or made love to him that last night. ("You couldn't have known," EMIYA said.

"But I did know! You told me it would happen."

"It was hot," EMIYA reminded her.)

Now Rin squints her eyes and rolls away from him. "Stoooop," she says.

"Stop what?" EMIYA says.

"Stop staring at me, I'm trying to sleep."

He smiles and kisses the back of her neck. It is oddly comforting, knowing that Rin is taking his presence for granted. For all they knew, her summoning could end and the world could keep him in the wasteland. That she would loudly whine and complain that he was spooning her too much suggested a sort of permanence of their situation: she isn't worried about losing him. It makes him feel more at ease.

He dresses; walks around their kitchen, makes tea and breakfast. Wraps his hands around a cup and sits by an open window. The clock ticks and he finds that he misses her, so he goes up the stairs to see if she's finally awake.

She isn't. He lingers at the edge of the doorway for a moment, before quietly shutting the door.

xXx

.

Rin wakes, and isn't entirely surprised to find the space in the bed next to hers is empty. She has a vague memory of him waking her up by kissing the back of her neck; she yelled at him to stop being annoying and pushed him out of the bed. I need to stop doing that, Rin thinks. She would hate for him to be summoned and the last thing he remembers is her yelling at him to let her sleep.

"Shirou?" She glances around. "Are you here?"

She's never really sure if he's been summoned again, not until she goes downstairs to see him cleaning or cooking or doing all the mundane domestic stuff she always ignored. She walks around the room, frowning and rubbing her arms, until she glances behind her and sees his cloak still slung over the back of the chair.

Oh. Well he has to be here if he's left his cloak. Rin pads over and looks at his guardian's clothes folded neatly on the dresser.

She picks up the cloak, frowning a little. The cloth is worn and frayed and there are what looks like old blood stains soaked into the fabric. Out of habit, she picks up the cloak and sniffs the cloth.

It smells like him. Rin blinks, surprised. She sniffs again and she's reminded of the same scent when he hugs her, warm and comforting like fresh sweat and cut grass. Blushing, she brings his cloak up against her nose and inhales deeply, nuzzling the fabric and closing her eyes.

"What are you doing?"

Rin jumps, turning around.

Shirou is standing at the doorway. It doesn't help that he looks like Archer right now, hair combed up and wearing that same stupid smirk he has whenever he's about to be a smartass. "Shut up!" Rin says, before he can say anything. "I wasn't smelling your stupid cloak, I was thinking it's dirty and gross and it needs to be washed, it smells like sweat and body odor and why are you laughing at me, Shirou, you stupid jerk!"

And so goes a typical morning.

He makes her breakfast. Rin sits at the table while Shirou fries eggs in a pan. There is coffee brewing. Rin tilts her head.

"Coffee?" Rin says. Shirou shrugs.

"I thought we could try something different," Shirou says, and he slides an egg onto a plate. "I brewed tea as well, in case you don't like it."

"You know I don't eat breakfast," Rin says. She picks up a piece of bacon and chews thoughtfully. "You should just cook for yourself, save yourself the trouble."

"I would rather make too much than have to get up and cook more," Shirou says. Rin frowns at him and picks at a potato.

"What is this?" Rin says.

"Fried potatoes. Do you like them?"

"They're not bad." She munches on a slice, absently.

It's a nice little life they've made for themselves, random disappearances and guardian duties aside. Rin does research at the Clock Tower and teaches classes while Shirou goes around and does whatever it is Shirou does in his off time, which mostly consists of him sitting in a corner tracing things. "What's the point?" Rin asked him, once. Shirou shrugged.

"It's a habit," Shirou said, and Rin knew how he used to sit on his little hill, replicating weapons to pass the time.

"You're allowed to leave the apartment, you know," Rin told him.

"Believe it or not, Rin, I do go outside from time to time." And there was a soft light in the center of his hand; a small jewel fell neatly into his palm.

"For your magic," Shirou said. Rin gawked at him.

"You traced me jewels?"

"They're expensive, right?"

"So instead of weapons, you're tracing gemstones?"

"Why not?" Shirou said. "There really isn't anything I can't replicate. I could replicate electronics too, if you actually knew how to use them."

It becomes a new kind of habit. Rin would come home and find Shirou has replicated a new emerald or sapphire or garnet, and he would leave the gemstones scattered around the house, the way a cat would leave gifts of dead animals for its master.

Now she nearly trips over a baseball-sized diamond sitting at the corner of the kitchen. She bends over to pick it up, marveling a little at its size. "Where did you see this?" Rin says.

"At the museum," Shirou says.

"You traced me a diamond you saw at a museum?"

"It belonged to a queen." He grins at her, slyly. Rin shakes her head.

"You need a new hobby," Rin says.

xXx

.

2.

People are freaking out at the Clock Tower, and Rin has no idea why. "What's going on?" Rin asks, but evidently people are too busy to answer even a simple question.

"Luvia," Rin says, and Luvia stops. "Why's everyone running around? Did something happen?" Luvia sniffs, annoyed.

"Well of course only a plebian wouldn't know," Luvia says, and Rin rolls her eyes. "I might be convinced to tell you if _Sherou_ is here...I never did understand what it is he sees in you, but I suppose gutter diving is just the thing for some people..."

"You know what, I just realized I don't care," Rin says, and she starts to walk away.

"The ley lines are weakening," Luvia calls. Rin stops.

"What did you say?" Rin says.

"The earth's ley lines," Luvia says. "Apparently there's some astrological phenomenon that's happening soon. Everyone's magic will increase threefold and the earth's ley lines will weaken, for a moment. Where is Sherou, anyway?" Luvia says.

"When is this supposed to happen?" Rin says.

"I asked you a question first," Luvia says.

"I-ugh! He's at home. When are the ley lines disappearing?"

"It's supposed to happen during the lunar eclipse, but it'll only last for a few moments. My god, woman, you really should pay more attention."

"The lunar eclipse," Rin says. "That's next week."

"I know," Luvia says. She waves her hands dismissively. "There's plenty of time to take advantage, and yet these peons keep running around. I told them, I don't care if it happens only once every two hundred years, it's still _next week_ , there is plenty of time to prepare. But of course they don't listen. Peons never do," Luvia says, and she turns to see Rin has already left her.

"My god, not you too," Luvia says, but Rin already started sprinting down the hall.

xXx

.

"You're back late," Shirou says. He's frowning at her, taking her coat. "I would have cooked, but I wasn't sure when you were coming home. Do you want to go out?"

"Not unless you want to," Rin says. He kisses her on the temple and walks back to the kitchen. "You're not being summoned?"

"It doesn't seem so," Shirou says. He ties on an apron. "It looks like we have the night together."

"That's good," Rin says. Shirou smiles.

Should she tell him? Rin watches as Shirou moves around the kitchen, opening a sack of potatoes and peeling them expertly with a knife. She used to nag him that he should use a peeler, he could cut himself that way, but Shirou insisted he could peel them faster with a knife. "Don't come crying to me when you cut off a finger," Rin told him.

Now she watches as he peels, the potato skin making a smooth spiral as he cuts. He pushes the dull side of the blade down with his thumb and she sees how his long fingers taper gracefully over the handle. _He's used to handling knives_ , Rin thinks, and she thinks of the ley lines again. He catches her eye and smiles.

If he didn't come back here, Rin would have broken his pact anyway. At least this way she can say goodbye.

But she can't do that to him. She knows Shirou too well, if she tells him it will spoil things. Let him enjoy his last few days. She can tell him before she begins.

xXx

.

3.

EMIYA wakes, and it takes a moment for him to adjust to his surroundings. Canopy bed, dark, mahagony furniture and thick, embroidered curtains, he realizes he is in Rin's old bedroom.

"I thought we were in London," EMIYA says. Rin groans.

"We're in Fuyuki City," Rin says. She rolls over the blankets, hugging a pillow. "I packed clothes for you, they're in that suitcase."

"Why are we in Fuyuki City?" EMIYA asks. Rin waves her hand.

"I felt like visiting. Just let me lie down a few more minutes, okay?"

He dresses; walks around their kitchen, makes tea and breakfast. The clock ticks. He can hear her pacing around upstairs.

He opens the door quietly, and sees her standing in the middle of the room, hugging his cloak. The last time he saw her doing this, she had threatened all sorts of violence on him for forgetting to knock. Now he walks over toward her and she doesn't even bat an eye.

"I wish there were a way I could keep this," Rin says. She hugs the cloak to her chest, before setting it down again. She seems oddly sad.

"What is wrong?" EMIYA says. He presses a hand to her shoulder. Rin shakes her head.

"I'm just a little jetlagged, I'm fine," Rin says. She smiles. "I was actually thinking I'd like some breakfast," Rin says. EMIYA frowns.

"You never want breakfast," EMIYA says.

"It's past dinnertime in London, I feel like eating," Rin says. EMIYA sighs.

"Would you believe this was the one time I cooked only for myself?"

"And that's generally good advice." She pecks him on the cheek. "I want eggs," Rin says, and she skips into the bathroom. "And I want coffee, too. I really liked it last time you made it."

"Hm," EMIYA says. She blows him a kiss through the door.

xXx

.

"Ne, Shirou?"

"Hm?"

"Do you think...do you think you could replicate your cloak? For me to keep, I mean," Rin says. EMIYA frowns.

"Why would you want my cloak?" EMIYA says.

"I dunno. In case I miss you, I guess," Rin says. She seems sad again, but only for a brief moment: she screws up her face and yells at him, "It's normal for a girl to want her boyfriend's cloak, okay?"

"Fine, fine," EMIYA says, and he obliges her. The cloak appears in his hand.

"This isn't the same," Rin says. She frowns and thumbs the fabric.

"I beg to differ," EMIYA says.

"I know, but..." she frowns. "You haven't worn this," Rin says, and she hands it back to him.

"My cloak is disgusting, I thought we already decided that," EMIYA says, sitting next to her. "I'd let you keep it if I could, but it always comes with me. But why are you so interested in it now? We've been together for almost a year and I'm not usually gone all that long."

"You're still carrying around that amulet," Rin says. EMIYA frowns.

The last few summonings were particularly brutal. After that first night when Rin had to pull the swords from his back, it took him no less than ten times before he was able to complete his mission. Ever since that night, the killings have been harder, and more and more he's been coming back bleeding and wounded. He knows she's been worried about him; it's starting to take its toll.

"I think I know what this is about," EMIYA says. Rin lifts her eyes.

"You do?"

"You're afraid something might happen while I'm summoned," EMIYA says, and he squeezes her hand. "I promise you, Rin. The worst that can happen is I'll bleed all over your carpet again and maybe mess up your bathtub. I'm sorry I have to keep putting you through this."

Rin is quiet for a long time. She leans against his arm and doesn't say anything.

"Rin?"

"You know how you can make it up to me?" Her tone is light; she lays her head abruptly onto his lap.

"Er...how?"

"By taking me out on a date."

"A date?" EMIYA says. Rin looks up at him and grins.

"We're back in Fuyuki," Rin says. "Aren't you the least bit curious to see how it's changed?"

xXx

.

4.

"You look different," Maki says. Her face is about an inch away from Shirou's, who is leaning back from her, frowning.

"Uh, I do?"

"Yeah," Maki says. "Aside from the gray hair and the tan, I get that you were in the desert, those things are to be expected! But...I think you're taller."

Behind them, Rin shakes her head. Even now, after having been with Shirou-the-guardian for almost a year, it's strange to her to see Archer taking on his younger self's old mannerisms: Archer laughs nervously, doesn't look Maki in the eye, and mumbles, "Oh. I suppose I have."

"Not just _suppose_ ," Maki says. Her eyes narrow. "You even sound different."

"Uh..."

"Doesn't he sound different?" Maki says to Ayako, who's sitting next to her.

"His voice sounds deeper," Ayako says.

"Yes! Exactly. Deeper. More full-bodied."

"We're all older," Shirou says, in a desperate attempt to change the conversation. "It is only natural if we look a little worse for wear."

"You don't look 'worse,' you got really buff," Maki says. "And what's with that proper way of speaking?"

"Uh, well-"

"Shirou did a lot of pushups in the desert," Rin says. "He also got yelled at a lot, so that's probably why."

"You were a soldier of fortune, right?" Ayako sucks on her straw.

"You could call it that," Shirou says. Maki is still staring at him. "...What now?"

"Your _eyes_ are a different color, you know that?" Maki says. Rin huffs at them.

"They're the same damn color! And are you two idiots done staring at my boyfriend? Because it's starting to get kind of rude," Rin says. The two women raise their hands.

"That was excruciating," Shirou says, when they somehow manage to make a strategic retreat. "I thought this 'date' would be just the two of us."

"I can't help it if we run into people," Rin says.

xXx

.

Nothing has really changed in Fuyuki City. It is as EMIYA remembers it: the same open streets, the same neighborhoods and shops. Even their old high school is the same. "Oh," Rin says, as if remembering.

"You haven't had a chance to see the new temple, have you?"

They walk to the outskirts of the city, up the steps where Assassin used to guard the gate and toward the courtyard where they fought Caster. But Ryuudo Temple looks nothing like EMIYA remembers. "Everything is modernized," Issei says, and EMIYA feels himself grinning when he sees him. "We have air conditioning now, and even free wifi. Not that it draws a lot of parishioners, but it is convenient."

"Issei," EMIYA says. Issei grins.

"Emiya! It's been a long time."

He claps EMIYA on the shoulder. "Wow. You look different," Issei says.

"So do you," EMIYA says. He looks at Issei's monks robes and nods, approvingly.

Rin leans against the doorway, wearing a small little smile and crossing her arms. "I'll leave you boys to catch up," Rin says. She smiles again. "Love you."

"Er...Love you, too." EMIYA frowns a little. It's not like her to say that. Then again, she might be doing that to annoy Issei, and it seems to be working. Issei's mouth turns down at the corners in vague distaste.

"I still don't understand what you see in that vixen," Issei says. EMIYA smiles apologetically.

"Tohsaka isn't bad, once you get to know her."

"You sound whipped," Issei says. "Like she's got you under her spell."

EMIYA laughs a little. "I thought monks don't cast judgment?"

"Who says I am judging? I'm merely telling you what I see with both eyes."

Somehow, EMIYA ends up sitting in one of the back rooms, fixing a few of the temple's portable heaters. "This is terrible of me," Issei says. "You come to visit and I put you back to work."

"I don't mind." EMIYA pries off the cover and exposes the wires. "I'm happy to help a friend."

Issei sighs. "There is such a thing as being too considerate," Issei says.

"I believe you told that to me before," EMIYA says.

"I have?"

"Mm." EMIYA twists a screwdriver. "You told me I was 'opening myself up to being taken advantaged of,' and that I would burn myself out if I didn't start saying 'no,' once in a while. All very good advice, by the way. I just wish I were smart enough to listen." He taps the cover shut, admiring his handiwork. "It's fixed," EMIYA says. Issei frowns.

"Emiya," Issei says. "There is something I've been meaning to ask you."

"What is it?" EMIYA says. Issei frowns.

"Why haven't you and Tohsaka gotten married yet?" Issei says. EMIYA looks down at his hands. "Emiya. Come on. It's been years since the temple was re-built, and she's still stuck by you. I've heard about the things you've done," Issei says. "Becoming a soldier of fortune and dragging her around the desert. That's no way to treat a woman. You need to stop fooling around."

"I know," EMIYA says, quietly.

"Well if you know, you need to get serious already," Issei says. "Settle down. Have a family. You can't keep playing hero forever."

"Ahem," Rin says, and both men turn toward the doorway. Rin smiles.

"I don't believe in marriage, Ryuudou-kun."

"T-Tohsaka!" Issei's eyes bulge out of his sockets. "So you've been stringing Emiya along!"

"Yes," Rin says. "I figure, why get married when all that will do is complicate things? What if I meet someone else? I can't be tied down like that."

"You vixen!" Issei says. EMIYA sighs and stands.

"She doesn't mean that," EMIYA says.

"Emiya! She's using you! Kick her to the curb!"

"You're a good friend, Issei," EMIYA says, and he sets down the space heater.

xXx

.

5.

"Did you see Ryuudou-kun's face? I thought he was going to pop an aneurysm!"

It's nighttime now, and they're sitting on a hill, overlooking the city. Rin is laughing, leaning against him. It feels nice. He feels her snake her hand around his arm as she speaks to him, touching his leg occasionally for emphasis. "Such a diligent guy," Rin is saying. "Some people never change!"

Her eyes are bright and her hair whips around her like banners; he touches her shoulder, quietly.

"It doesn't bother you, what Issei said? About the two of us?" EMIYA says.

"Ryuudou-kun doesn't know a thing about us. It's fine," Rin says. EMIYA looks at his hands.

"Hey," Rin says. "You're not getting depressed over something that stupid, right?"

"Why are you with me?" EMIYA says.

"What do you mean?" Rin says. EMIYA frowns.

"Issei is right; I dragged you around the desert and I strung you along. You should have gotten married, had a family. You shouldn't have stuck around a useless guy like me."

"Hm. Well the sex was good," Rin says. She leans against him. "Still is, in fact."

"You don't regret it?" EMIYA says.

"Why should I? You make me happy."

He kisses her, and it's comfortable and nice, leaning her against him and resting his chin against her hair.

"Do you remember your last night alive?" Rin says.

EMIYA laces his hand in hers. "Why are you thinking about that?" EMIYA says.

"I don't know. I just am." She picks at a piece of thread, frowning. "I just keep thinking, the last night you were alive, you warmed up a little can of stew and did pushups by the bed, and I was too tired for sex, but I was going to let you, because the sex is always good and I like having sex with you. But you told me, 'that's okay, Tohsaka, just go to sleep.' And then we went to bed. And that was our last night together."

"You couldn't have known," EMIYA says. "I had forewarning and I didn't know, either."

"It's just...I didn't mean to take you for granted," she says quietly.

"I never felt you had," EMIYA says.

"Shirou," Rin says, and a shadow falls over her eyes. "There's something I need to tell you."

She turns to look at him, taking his hands into hers.

"I found the ley lines that are keeping you bound to the world," Rin says.

"What?" EMIYA says.

"They cross through the old Fuyuki powerplant. That's why I came here in the first place."

She is gripping his hands but she's not looking at him. He can't see her face.

"I've done a lot of research, and ordinarily the type of pact you made is ironclad. There's no way to break them," Rin says. "But tonight there is a way. For the first time in two hundred years, certain stars will align with our moon in its orbit, and the strength of those ley lines will weaken. If I play my cards right, I believe I can fracture them," Rin says, and she looks up. Moonlight catches her face. "I believe I can set you free."

Her words hang like a distant fog. EMIYA grips her hands.

"I would no longer be a guardian?"

"No," Rin says. Her voice is hollow.

"Rin," EMIYA says, and he hugs her. "I love you," he says. "I love you and I'm so lucky to have you. I don't tell you this enough, but you've saved my life more times than I can count. Thank you," he says. "You are a remarkable woman, Tohsaka Rin. I am so lucky to have you."

"Stop that," Rin says, and she starts to cry. "You're supposed to say something snarky and mean, you're not supposed to act that way."

"Why are you crying?" EMIYA says. He kisses her and presses his forehead against hers, framing her face in his hands. "This is a good thing, right? After tonight I'll be your permanent familiar."

She pulls away from him, shaking her head.

"Rin?"

"You won't," Rin says. She turns away from him, crossing her arms.

"Once I do this, you'll re-enter the cycle of life and death. We'll probably never see each other again."

Above them, a slow wind rises, moving strands of hair along Rin's face, and it's like that noose tightening around his neck again. Choking and hot and hardly able to breathe.

"I wanted the day to be perfect," Rin says, and a tear slips as she closes her eyes. "I knew it would be our last."

"Rin," he says. She turns to look up at him. Moonlight catches her face, and EMIYA feels his heart in his throat. She has that same determined look on her face he remembers; he saw that face the day of his execution.

"The timing is wrong," Rin says, quietly. "I wish I could do it at the end...when I'm old and gray and won't have any regrets. But this is the only time I can do this. I told you I'd set you free, didn't I?"

"But what about you?" EMIYA says.

"Hmph. You seem to think very highly of yourself. I'll be fine. I can start dating again. Maybe someone who isn't a self-sacrificing asshole."

"No one said you had to do this," EMIYA says.

"I have to," Rin says.

"I don't want you to," EMIYA says.

"Don't try to talk me out of this, you jerk! Just think about yourself, for once!" She takes a breath, wiping her eyes.

"I'm not going to live forever," Rin says. "I'm going to die someday, and when I do, you're going to be alone again. It's not worth it."

"Rin," Shirou says. Rin shakes her head.

"The moon is out," Rin says. She wipes her eyes and stands. "I need to start getting prepared."

xXx

.

6.

Her mana is highest at 2 a.m., so they still have a few hours before she performs the incantation. Silently they walk back to the Tohsaka mansion, where Rin gathers her jewels into a knapsack. "I need the amulet too," Rin says, and Shirou hesitates a moment, before handing it to her.

"What are you going to do with it?"

"I'm going to melt it during the incantation," Rin says. She closes her eyes. "After tonight they'll be nothing left."

Shirou says nothing. He waits by the corner while Rin picks up her jewels and scrolls, tying them up into her pack.

"Ne, Shirou. We still have a few hours yet. Will you-" and she hesitates a moment. "Will you make love to me? One more time, I mean?"

He looks at her like he wants to cry, but he just nods, quietly. He walks over to her and kisses her, cupping her face and touching his forehead next to hers.

The clock chimes midnight. Reluctantly she pulls herself out of bed and wraps a blanket around herself, kneeling by the cloak.

"What are you doing?" Shirou says. Rin draws an incantation circle and picks up one of her jewels.

"It just occurred to me how I can save your cloak," Rin says. The jewel ignites; the circle pulses with yellow flame. "I'm going to turn it into my familiar, so I can keep it when you're gone."

The flames die down and the cloak sparkles with blue light. Command seals burn into the back of her hand.

"Well this is pretty worthless," Rin says, looking at the back of her hand. "It's not like I can command your cloak to teleport me somewhere."

It's almost 2 AM when they make their way into the abandoned powerplant. She draws the incantation circle and has Shirou stand in the center. "Okay," Rin says. Jewels drip. Mana flares and burns. "Are you ready?"

Shirou nods. She's about to start the incantation but she starts to cry again. "Don't," Rin says, just as Shirou is about to come toward her. "We can't keep doing this. My mana is at its peak, we don't have time to keep saying goodbye."

"Okay," Shirou says. Rin takes a breath, then starts the incantation.

First is the glow. The circle around him glows blue, then yellow, motes of yellow light floating upwards around him. Next his body rises; she can see the outline of his body start to dissipate, crumbling away like ash from a burning piece of paper.

There is a flash of light as Rin reaches the end, chanting the words louder over the sound.

And then there's darkness. The light around the circle dies, and Rin looks up to see Shirou floating in front of her, motes of mana drifting off his body.

She wants to say goodbye. Wants to tell him again that she loves him, that she's always loved him, that she's never regretted a single day with him. But the circle fades and the ley lines break, and his soul has gone and bled out into the ether.

xXx

.

7.

The light in London is a watery kind; it sluices down buildings and drips through the angled glass, casting everything in an overcast haze. This time, Rin doesn't let her apartment get into disarray; Shirou had always complained that she was a slovenly girl - what kind of woman leaves her underwear hanging out on the kitchen table? - and Rin is careful to keep doing the dishes, throw away the trash. Keep to a routine, if only to get through the day.

Luvia, of all people, is the most sympathetic, somehow having pried the whole sorry affair out from her after she caught her secretly weeping in her office. "You're not coming out?" Luvia says. She raps her knuckles on the door. "You are a mess, Miss Tohsaka. If Shereou could see you he'd be rolling in his grave! I suppose it's not too surprising," Luvia says. "Only a slug would keep wallowing in its grief. Do you hear that Miss Tohsaka? I just called you a slug," Luvia says, and she's irritating and grating enough that Rin forces herself to open the door.

"What do you want?" Rin says. Luvia sniffs and puts her hands on her hips.

"I thought we should go to lunch," Luvia says. "And this should go without saying, but I do believe it would be prudent for you to shower, first."

She showers and is about to grab her purse when she sees it: a small ruby, tucked haphazardly in her drawer.

Sometimes, when she least expects it, she comes across another gemstone.

xXx

.

His cloak is tucked in an unassuming corner at the side of her bed, bunched into a ball and sharing the coveted spot between her blanket and pillow. " _That_ is an energy suck," Luvia told her. "You need to get rid of it, if you want to move on."

It's true. The cloak serves no other purpose except to simply _exist_ , but it still drains as much mana as Archer did; even now, she can feel the thin trickle of mana leaking out from her, giving it shape and form.

She sits heavily on the bed. The cloak has long lost Shirou's smell and the fabric has grown dirty and careworn, but she can't bring herself to get rid of it. It's her only thing left of him.

She falls asleep with it pressed against her face, her knees curled to her chest, lying in the corner.

xXx

 _._

 _"Rin."_

 _._

 _"Rin."_

 _._

 _"Rin," he says, and Rin opens her eyes._

 _They are standing in the wasteland. Around her, there is nothing but a flatness that stretches out toward the horizon, gray sheets of rock and overcast skies. There are no swords here, and Shirou is not wearing his cloak._

 _"Shirou," Rin says, and tears fill her eyes. "Shirou, what are you doing here?"_

 _"I couldn't leave," Shirou says, and Rin begins to weep._

 _"You're still stuck here," Rin says, agonized. "I'm so sorry-Shirou I made things worse!"_

 _"You didn't," he says, and he holds her and kisses her, stroking her hair. "But you know, Rin, I still have regrets. You don't look happy," he says, and Rin cries into his shoulder._

 _"I miss you," Rin says._

 _"I know," Shirou says, and he holds her. "But Rin. I need you to forget me. I need to know that you'll be okay."_

 _"Would that help you rest easy? So you can go without any regrets?" Rin says._

 _"Yes," Shirou says. Rin closes her eyes._

 _"Then I'll forget you," Rin says. "It'll take some time, but I won't keep looking back. I'll forget you and I'll meet someone else, and I'll live the rest of my life without you._

 _But right now, I still miss you," Rin says, and she sobs into his shoulder._

xXx

.

The mansion was dark when Rin stepped inside again, after having dragged herself from the ruins of the Fuyuki powerplant. Her mana was spent; she flipped on the light to the kitchen and wasn't surprised to see leftovers carefully packed in the fridge. "That guy," Rin said, shaking her head.

She ate. Set the plate in the sink, and told herself she will wash it tomorrow, before dragging herself upstairs.

His cloak was still on the chair. Silently she picked it up and held it to her face.

It still smelled like him. Her hands were shaking. Tears silently dripped onto the floor.

xXx

.

She wakes facedown against his cloak, a thin line of saliva dripping from the corner of her mouth.

Bad dreams and old memories. It's enough to make Rin feel nauseous and hung over.

"Ugh," Rin says, and she wipes her hand across her face. She can feel the crease marks from where she fell asleep against the fabric, and her hair is a tangled mess. "I must look terrible."

"You always look terrible," EMIYA says, "When you think no one is around."

"Shirou?!"

"Rin," EMIYA says, and she lurches forward to hug him. She spends the next few minutes crying and pretending not to wipe her nose all over his shirt. Shirou for the most part just stands there and holds her, rocking her gently and kissing her hair.

"I don't understand," Rin says, and she holds him tighter. "I didn't summon you. You should have passed on, how are you here? Why?"

"I think I may be haunting you," EMIYA says, frowning.

"Huh?!"

"Too many regrets," EMIYA says. He smiles. "If not for your crest, you probably wouldn't even see me right now."

"You're a ghost?" Rin stares at him, incredulously.

"At the very least, I'm not a guardian," EMIYA says.

"But I can touch you..." Rin says. EMIYA shrugs.

"I think I might be attached to that cloak," EMIYA says.

"Stupid Shirou! Why didn't you come here before?!"

"I didn't have the mana," EMIYA says. "I had to siphon quite a bit from that cloak before I could even speak to you. Our connection is an indirect one, and rather tenuous at best. Although I suppose there are other ways to strengthen it," he says, but Rin is already pulling off her nightgown.

"You talk too much," Rin says, and she pushes him onto the ground.

.

.

 _"That is what I want of you—out of the sight and sound of other people, to lie close to you and let the world rush by. To watch with you suns rising and moons rising in that purple edge outside most people's vision—to hear high music that only birds can hear—oh, my dearest, dearest, would it not be wonderful, just once to be together again for a little while?"  
_

end.


End file.
